Friday Confession

This isn’t some weird type of confession but I must admit I am starting the year spiritually out of sorts. I find myself straying further away from God because of my preoccupation with worthless details because of the move and it is slowly dawning on me, the severity of my decision to go without a car. I haven’t felt this way in almost 10 years, to feel as if I am without options. Sure I can walk the city blocks but how about going places whenever I need to without having to rely on public transportation? I have to re-accustom myself to that. It’s no punishment but to me, it is definitely an inconvenience especially when the weather here is not always sunny. But, pardon me for simply whining. It is by God’s mercy and blessing that He took away my car because I would have skidded to oblivion on the way here and also, the apartment we’re staying in only allows for one assigned parking space which went to my husband. Someone could loot or maybe steal my car if I parked it somewhere around the block.

Aside from baring my spiritual weakness and missing my freedom to go places, I thought I would throw in a fun confession about my obsession with the color purple and analogous hues – not a new obsession, been awhile now and btw, those things are old, not new.

See what I mean?

It even extends to a whole range of items like towels, plates, bathroom stuff etc. and I subjected my husband to it. I’m glad it doesn’t actually bother him one bit. I especially like the eggplant color so much that goes so well with espresso colored furniture.

Another thing that I am currently dealing with is … I am ISO eine gute Freundin. Okay. I could easily say that in English but I wanted to incorporate a German phrase to this entry even though I don’t speak it (yeah this is weird here but I think it sounds cool.) Simply put, one of the woes of having to move to a new place is to be in search of a good friend. I never really got around to finding a tried and true one when I moved from NYC to FL ten years ago and now it seems I’m back to square one. Now I ask, why would God move me here? Is there someone here in search of a friend like I am? Am I going to be part of God’s answer to someone’s prayer or is someone here the answer of my prayer to God?

In my close to 3 weeks here in OR, I haven’t made friends with anyone except a quick acquaintance with a woman with facial piercings, a transplant from Cali who works in the deli section at Fred Meyers, who happened to remember me surprisingly. It had been close to 2 weeks since we first interacted when I told her, “There’s nothing like buying comfort food especially after having flunked a test.” Who wouldn’t remember that? I know I probably would.

I thought this was going to be a quick one but it seems thoughts of all sorts are just going off in my head and I’m going to stop before I fill this entry with a bunch of non sequitur.

Man, I need to seek God’s face, seriously…

7 thoughts on “Friday Confession

  1. I can imagine it’s hard to make friends instantly when you just finished moving to a new town. That’s why you have God there with you.
    So you surround yourself with the color purple. That means you surround yourself with royalty. Whatever you are dealing with, or facing remember that you are surrounded by God.
    Remember that God will never leave you or forsake you.

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    1. Thank You for your kind words. I really needed to remember that. I acknowledge my dire need to get stronger spiritually as I am literally in liberal territory. Thanks bro.

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  2. Caeli, I enjoyed hearing from you, though this post represents suffering for you. The purple is really nice, your thoughts about the Lord and about wanting real friendship are a gift. Pray the Lord hears your prayers for all your and your family’s needs! A true friend… yes, a good prayer.

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    1. Hello Maria. I’m feeling particularly sad about relying on public transportation because of an incident dating back in 2008 when I visited my mother in NY. I was leaving that day and it happened to be the same exact day some hurricane caused a blackout which affected the Subway system, the entire bus system and even the cabs! I missed my flight back to FL that day and realized relying on public transportation especially for longer distances and commute was crippling in those sort of scenarios and during an emergency. In due time I will get used to the idea again and maybe having to walk blocks won’t be so bad at all. I just have to remind myself it will not always be Winter and slushy.

      I truly appreciate your comment Maria. As another blogger reminded me, God will never leave & forsake me and I just have to get back on track on walking towards Him than further away. As for a friend, at least I have you on here 🙂

      Thank You truly and please pray for me.

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  3. Caeli, it’s no wonder you’re down about public transportation. Yes, winter will end and you will have the joy of walking in nice weather, getting to know your neighborhood(s). I’ve had blessings and some concerned moments on public transit. I pray there are blessings in it for you and in all your new adventure! Yes, you are my friend and I’m glad to ask the Lord for showers of blessing! All will be well in your time of testing and learning. Jesus has got this and everything!

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