On Marriage & Motherhood

kami

I concur with everyone who says, “Marriage is hard work.” I have definitely gotten to the point of going as far as temporarily removing my wedding band because of a very serious argument my husband and I had but we are both flawed. People are entitled to write about what they feel, I respect that but as Christians, there should be boundaries set when it comes to sharing something about our significant others that puts them in a bad light. After all, if it were the other way around, I don’t think you’d like your husband to be talking about what he dislikes about you. That’s like encouraging people to gossip about someone you love and that is wrong. It can definitely go both ways and for this reason, it is more prudent to keep private affairs exactly just that, private.

There are a lot of things that go on in one’s household and I don’t know all the details and I’m not judging anyone (although it’s expected some people may find someone’s opinion to be judgmental regardless) but some of what I read actually makes me think what are stay-at-home mothers so exhausted of? We know what’s expected of being a wife and a mother. Sure I don’t like the eternal cycle of having to wash dishes and other things, having to cook especially when hypoglycemia hits me (I understand other mothers have other conditions far worse) but that’s expected of us. It is our role.

It may be that exhaustion and the feeling of being burned out occurs especially when people take on more than what God originally intended for them. God sees what we do (and what we don’t do) and so, to desire constant validation and approval from family members who sometimes forget to thank you for your labors is setting yourself up to have all those pent up emotions of bitterness. It feels good to be appreciated and most especially when the kids tell you out of the blue that they love you but ask yourself, “Am I doing my part to cultivate that kind of environment?”

bt
With my babies. I wish I could have kept them at that age. Is that bad?

On motherhood, I have 2 children, a teenage son and a third grader little princess. I’m definitely not an expert but I do encourage my children to pursue what I see to be their interests and gently nudge them to develop what I see them to be gifted at. Am I tired? Not really. The only time I feel really stressed out and exhausted is when I take my kids to take the state’s standardized tests and end of the school year evaluations for my daughter. I do this bit and my husband reads the Bible with them which I occasionally do when he is not around.

sandc
My kids now. He is taller than me and she is about 3/4 my height! I’m a dwarf!
aliensilly
Being silly at the museum

I don’t have a perfect life or a perfect anything but I can definitely say that half our woes, unhappiness and discontent lessens when the change begins in us by accepting the fact that things in this world will not always go the way we want them to especially when it comes to getting validation and appreciation from other people and that most of all, remembering that our God came into this world and humbled himself into a man in the likeness of a servant, who came to serve and not be served. He was short on getting the recognition He ought to have gotten from His chosen people.

As Christians, He expects us to be more like Him in this regard. The process? Definitely a long one that will continue on until His return.

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:26-28

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2 thoughts on “On Marriage & Motherhood

  1. I grew up listening to conversations – I know which of my relatives have what flaws – from the ones that can’t find the thing right in front of them to the others whose unreasonable expectations have undermined their role and which great grandfather was considered a terror when he was angry and was likely abusive. It’s not a great idea to pretend that if by virtue of being born male, men are flawless and by virtue of being born female, women are nothing but flawed. The trick is knowing what to say when and what not to say at all.
    The more I learn, the more I don’t think that we were meant to exist in roles – we were called to follow Christ and that looks different for everyone – from the stay at home mom, to the working mom, to the single mom, to the child-free woman. Even living a certain way, there’s a lot of room for doing it differently – the guys in my family all have the cooking gene they inherited from their mothers and can whip up some great dishes; the girls in my family all inherited the leadership gene from their fathers and can hold their own. If these men had insisted that only women cook, they might not have discovered their own buried talent and the women might not have realized that their talents were buried as well. It all just comes down to the fact that there’s not a one size fits all way of living life.

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    1. You say, “The more I learn, the more I don’t think that we were meant to exist in roles”
      – Genesis 2:18 clearly states the role of the woman is to be a helper. If you are unaware of this, you should go read it.
      – 1 Timothy 2:12, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[a] she must be quiet.”
      – 1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,”

      When a woman abides and accepts the role God instituted in Genesis 2:18, we see that the woman puts herself in the condition to be used by God, setting herself in alignment to His will. When you go against and insist on your way, you are in rebellion. God views men and women as equals but the reality is, they are assigned with different roles. I don’t consider submission by my own volition to make me out to be weak or inferior. On the contrary. Christ is meek. I am obeying Christ and His word.

      You say, “– we were called to follow Christ and that looks different for everyone –”

      The bible is our guideline especially if you profess to be a Christian. It cannot be different for everyone because the bible is clear on how things ought to be especially in a Christian household. Let’s look at it this way…There’s a speed limit. It says 65. What happens when you drive over 65? You are going against what it ought to be and under violation. Same with Scripture. One is either changed by the message and abide by it (conforming to Christ as a genuine indication of His indwelling Holy Spirit in a person), or one changes the message to suit one’s agenda and when people do this, they are going against what God ordained and God WILL NOT bless disobedience.

      Thanks for your input.

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