Looking through my bookshelf, I found my old journal and looked through my journey in my Christian walk. Before my encounter with Jesus Christ, one of the enemy’s strongholds in my life was fear by way of Hypochondria. I suffered from that to the extent that I was having trouble sleeping at night and when I would look in the mirror, a common pimple that was nothing but an inflamed sebaceous gland meant I had some serious disease in my mind; a common rash meant it was a lesion manifesting because of a life threatening disease, a recurring pain on my left breast meant breast cancer and when I had blood in my stool which was probably caused by straining, I know it’s disgusting but this is as graphic as I will get, I promise, it meant colon cancer etc. It was quite miserable.
This condition is not isolated to people who are unbelievers but it plagues even those who have given their lives to Christ and since this has something to do with fear, when we give in to this, it is a result of weak faith. I’ve come a long way but it is not because I possess a strong will, but mainly the presence of the Holy Spirit in me and some words of wisdom forever seared in my mind that I got from a homeless man I had a meaningful conversation with long long ago who said to me, “Nothing is going to happen to you until your purpose on this Earth is fulfilled.” I don’t know if that man ever believed in God but I can attribute that broad statement to God’s sovereignty that nothing happens to us unless He allows it.
I haven’t been hit with a crippling case of Hypochondria lately but my reaction to the last time I was strongly hit was documented in my journal dated September 22 over 10 years ago which prompted me to write the prose below.
For how many lies are there for the taking
To make me become a slave to fear yet again
I will have to learn to accept that you love me
Amidst all that I am
You have freed my soul
To roam in your green pastures
Knowing that I was meant to come back
To You and You alone
* It is an honor for You to take my life
Should You will that it be so
For you have called me to be free
From the very chains of the last enemy
“Fear not for I am with you”
Is the promise that I adhere to
Until the end of time You say
More than enough to put my soul at rest
* I thought if I died early, it would actually be an honorable thing to be called to be in God’s presence, hence “It is an honor for You to take my life.”
While God frees the believer from the fear of death, we still think about what would happen to our loved ones and those we leave behind. We don’t fear death per se but we somehow fear how exactly we are going to die. No one likes to think about dying a slow and painful death but should God ordain that we die and glorify Him in that way, we have plenty of assurance found in His Word that He will always be with us even ‘til our last breath.
“He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.“