The silent agony of a gooney
At the beginning of the year, I made a custom metal stamp note to self. Little did I know this was going to be the worst year of my life. Two days later, I was hit with discovery day, the worst day of a wife’s life. I never asked for this experience in my 13 years of marriage, but I was thrown right in the middle of it. The betrayal trauma was too hard to bear. I alluded to this on a post entitled Quiet Lamentation.
The seasons go on as expected and the flowers continue to bloom. I was grieving on the inside, but life has to go on. I was barely getting any sleep and my lymph nodes were swollen for quite some time as my body was fighting off some kind of infection. Though everything seemed to be falling apart, God was with me through it all.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalm 34:18
This was taken in the midst of the hunt for toilet paper, just around the time the lockdown order was put in place.
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
My husband and I had to sort things out in the midst of C19. We had to go to a quiet place to seek God even though I was kicking and screaming on the inside. God is good ALL THE TIME. Though our feelings betray us, there is nothing that will change this fact.
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.”
Psalm 34:17
The flowers stay beautiful even when things are chaotic for the whole world. God sustains all things.
“Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me.”
Psalm 54:4
Having gone through the whole marital ordeal opened my eyes as to why some women lose their faith in God altogether. On one of the betrayal trauma sites I visited, I was deeply touched by a woman’s agony when she said it was hard for her to continue to believe in a God who allows all the bad things to happen. Bad things do happen to everyone in the world. Even though God sees all things, people do bad things because they choose to reject God’s prescription of righteous living. The enemy of our souls would have us believe it is God who is to blame. God wants only the best for His creation. However, not everyone willingly submit to God.
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!”
Deuteronomy 30:19 NLT
The wildberries on the roadside continue to bear fruit regardless of what all of humanity is experiencing.
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
John 15:4
These Rudbeckias were bright, but I was not feeling so bright inside because I was hit with another affliction to make matters worse, an allergic reaction to a formaldehyde laden article of clothing I tried on.
I was down, but not completely out for quite some time. This selfie was taken at the height of my affliction in August of this year. By God’s grace, my Contact Dermatitis is almost completely healed, but the scars remain.
“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:31
My daughter… I love this picture! This was my phone’s attempt at achieving a Bokeh. This was taken at a park called Erratic Rock State Natural Site. In this park rests an old rock believed to be originally part of the sea floor and carried on site by a flood.
“Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.”
Isaiah 58:8
Something sweet in the midst of all the thorns? Praise the LORD!!!
There is healing in Jesus Christ!
With God, all things are possible!
The resilient perennial in the backyard continues to bloom. It is nearing its appointed time, and after being pruned, it will bloom again. Through all of this year’s ups and downs, this anchor; It is His Spirit who gives us the strength to endure.
“And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”
Ezekiel 36:27
If you have been severely afflicted this year, the LORD has a message for you.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9
In case you’re wondering what a gooney is, it’s a bird commonly found in the Pacific NW.
