There’s this person who happens to put me down a lot. “Oooh, why are you doing your eyebrows like that?” “What’s wrong with your hair? I hear gray hair is a sign of some serious disease,” and on and on. Those comments were mostly about my appearance and the comments even extend to how I do things as well. It’s beyond petty so I brush it off but at the heart of it all, it makes me wonder why everything that comes out of this person’s mouth towards me was always something critical and negative.
Have you read “Landmines In The Path Of The Believer” by Charles F. Stanley? I had this book sitting in my bookshelf for quite a looong time, read it and had forgotten most of its content but yesterday, I decided to pick it up again and skim through the book and drawn to the section about Jealousy. It had the story of Joseph who was being envied by his brothers and rightly so, he was a braggart and flaunted what he had to his brothers and what he dreamt actually came true which made his brothers even more jealous of him. Of course God had to deal with Joseph to change his attitude tremendously, but besides that, what caught my attention was the part where the book talks about being the receiving end of jealousy. Am I being delusional about someone being jealous of me? I wanted to understand what would prompt one to act very critical towards me. An underlying cause of a person being critical towards someone is jealousy and envy. Okay, but still I ask… why would this person be actually jealous of me?
Here’s the thing. I’m literally the least in my family. I’m the only person who does not have a college degree. Does that bother me at all? Not one bit! I do know that the path I treaded was at some point disappointing to my parents because they saw “wasted” potential. Do I wonder what I could have been? Sure! Do I regret not going to college? Unabashedly no. I have asked the question countless times, “Why out of everyone in the family would God choose to save me?” The answer I got was it is because I am considered the least in my family that God chose to save me. By the world’s standards, I am definitely one of those who are “foolish” since I don’t have a paper that proves I have gone through a considerable amount of training to be knowledgeable about something, according to 1 Corinthians 1:27,
“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”
How comforting that truly is! As I dwell on that, it is amazing and gives me a tremendous boost in morale why God would choose a ‘nothing’ like myself to shame the wise or those who think they are wise anyway. Now I don’t know exactly how I play into God’s plan in that manner but it’s truly awesome to know that the Creator of ALL things who KNOWS ALL things do not operate and have a completely different standard from the world. If one dwells on this very fact, you think that would lead to clinical depression? On the contrary! There are times I do get depressed but assuredly this is NOT one of the reasons.
I’m not here on earth to try to get a pat on the back with my achievements, titles and whatever people think validates them. The truth is, if there is something I’m good at, whatever that may be, it is because God equipped me with it. My very existence even as I speak is a testimony of God’s mercy and my inadequacy becomes a platform to show that there is no such thing as a waste with God. As to what God would make of me besides being a wife and a mother still remains a mystery. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be and I’m okay with that but one thing I do know, all Christians are to be conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ and in this, we are in a level playing field.
To the person I am speaking of, you know who you are and I don’t know if you will ever get to read this but… I can assure you, there’s no need to act that way since honestly, there’s really nothing to be jealous of. I’m perfectly content where I’m at and even if you think you’re better than me, I am not threatened by what you think. Does that bother you? If it does, I urge you to ask God to help you deal with that.